Last night we Skyped with Hunter’s parents
Hunter (in a can you believe it!? voice): Hey mom, did you know that I saw naked things? That were naked! Soooo naked!
Let me explain, I took my four year old nephew to a museum. Art is for all ages, right?
It started off great. We checked out some paintings. He loved the ones where people were being attacked by animals. He was quite the tour guide explaining in great detail to some unsuspecting patron that a bear was about to eat a guys face off.
Then we came upon a statue in the center of a very busy section of the museum.
The acoustics in this museum are phenomenal. When Hunter announced this wiener sighting, you could hear people gasping all the way into the next room.
For the rest of our visit, we had something of a body part scavenger hunt happening. “I see his butt. Aww man, he doesn’t have a butt. (a girl statue) There’s nothing there. He doesn’t even have a wiener.” Here’s a random factoid; you can see eight bronze butts displayed at Crystal Bridges Museum. There’s a tidbit you won’t read about in the pamphlet.
So maybe this wasn’t the best idea for a very vocal toddler but the museum has a Pinocchio. That’s for kids, right?
Hunter wasn’t impressed and unimpressed toddlers have a tendency to over share.
Hunter: Hey! That guy is creepy.
Stunned couple I’ve never met: What?
Hunter (giggle talking): I saw a wiener!
Me: Ok, Hunter, let’s move along.
Next, a toddler version of the Hellraiser guy
Apparently, standing on that white thing around the art is frowned upon. If you think toddlers are fast, you should have seen museum security. Turns out, this is not some new kind of toy box. I took this picture once I had explained that you can’t stand on the white thingy and only after I was sure that the ‘art’ was totally safe. (Not safe, like safe for children but safe, like safe from Hunter. Art doesn’t have to be safe for children because they’re not supposed to go anywhere near it.)
Me: I know but you can’t play with the toys.
Me: It’s not toys for kids.
Hunter: Oh, it’s adult toys.
Me: Dear God, why did I come here?
For this. A statue that will star in my nightmares for years to come.
I was trying to expose him to some culture. Well, we got the exposed part accomplished.
I could have taken him to the library – Crap, I forgot about the library. Do they still have that rule about being quiet? Yeah, that wouldn’t work for us.
One more, just because he’s so stinkin’ cute.
American German – language lesson #21
Ich habe genug Arsch für heute gesehen. (ick hab-a ga-newg arsh fur who-ta ga-see-hen) – I’ve seen enough ass for today. This could be applied to so many situations. Work, home, the grocery store parking lot. Or you could just say, “Don’t be an ass.” Sei kein Arsch sein. (zie kine arsh zine). In a pinch, just yell “Arsch!”