Remember how I said I’d explain my hiatus later, well, it’s later…
I’m a good person. Ask anyone. However, I can’t help but be suspicious that I’ve pissed off some higher power whose main objective for all of eternity is kicking the shit out of me…well, honestly, with all the meds I take, that’s the one thing it’s not kicking out of me but everything else is being sufficiently pummeled.
I’ve been a new kind of sick for over two months. Well, it’s not really “new”, I’m accustom to being sick. I’ve got it down. I have battled my limitations and lost so often that Wile E Coyote is all, “Geez lady, this is embarrassing to watch.”
When you have a chronic illness, you learn how to carve out of the yuck some snippets of fine – an hour here, twenty minutes there – where you feel good enough to get something done or do something you love. My snippets of fine have been missing a lot this year.
During this particular round of suck, I was plagued with migraines. Usually, I get migraines in clusters, half a dozen or so a month. But for the past few months, I was getting one daily. I seriously considered having my head removed and surgically implanted onto a Dalek body like some kick-ass female version of Davros.
I decided that I didn’t want evil Daleks to have access to my brain and that the rest of my body would be all pissed because it couldn’t see anything and end up sitting around for days sulking…although, you wouldn’t’ be able to tell if it was sulking or sleeping because it doesn’t have a face. Plan vetoed. Foiled again.
After ingesting a small pharmaceutical company’s worth of meds and sacrificing a live chicken (not really but I totally would have tried it if I thought for one second it would help), I can now look at my doctor and say, “Hi. My name is Julie. It’s been 10 days since my last migraine.” Hopefully, that doesn’t jinx anything.
I was also battling some Lupus crap (if battling means lying still while getting your ass handed to you). EVERYTHING decided all at once to swell up – joints, every bursa, tendons, linings of things that you never knew had linings. At one point, I honestly thought that my gallbladder had exploded. It hadn’t. Do you know how it feels for your gallbladder to explode? Yeah, me neither but I imagine it feels like a grapefruit being stuffed into something the size of your nostril and then exploding. After the ultrasound, the doctor said, “Your gallbladder looks ok…the only thing is, we can’t see your pancreas.” “That’s because my gallbladder ATE IT, doctor.” Geez, I didn’t even go to med school or anything. “I’m going to need for you to remove whatever is located right here (pointing to general location of gallbladder…or liver – I’m not a doctor).” He declined and gave me a bunch of medication instead. Pssf, Americans. It was much better in a few days so it MIGHT have been the right course of action but, at the time, I thought he was bat-shit crazy for letting me leave the hospital.
Fast forward through weeks in bed and about a million ingested pills or potions and I’m doing decent. I lived through a flight from Arkansas to Munich and I’m now resting comfortably in an Austrian hotel. If you’re gonna be sickly…
Several minutes of activity – a day of rest – a few hours of activity – two days of rest – it’ll work. The best part of right now is no migraines. For me, there are a few things that halt all functioning – including reading – and migraines are on the list.
I’ve squeezed in a few adventures that I’ll tell you about later. I hope y’all are having a wonderful holiday season! Mine is certainly looking up – mostly because I’m sitting on a bed and everyone is taller than me but also because I am feeling much better than 10 days ago.
American German – language lesson 101
Migräne ist eine Schlampe. (me-grain-a ist ine-a sh-lamp-a) A migraine is a bitch. Feel free to change ‘Migräne’ to whatever or whomever you wish. Perfect holiday sentiment. My German consultant husband is informing me that NO ONE would EVER say that so I’m going out today and starting a new trend. You’re welcome, Austria.