You guys! My husband gave me a new laptop for my birthday! Two weeks early! Probably because he loves me but MAYBE because he was tired of me complaining about my old crappy laptop (which was also Rachel’s old crappy laptop, so I had a hand-me-down-ancient-practically-etching-on-stone laptop that wasn’t even good enough for a poor college student.) Also, it made this loud, grinding sound every time it was turned on. Not turned on like ready for sex, but turned on like powered up. I assume. I mean, that would be most likely. If it was the ‘come and get me with your big hard drive’ kind of turned on, then I am in possession of documented non-android, computer porn sounds, should any scientist be interested. For research. I fully support the advancement of science, y’all.
I may have, on several occasions, waited for Volker to fall asleep then cranked on the computer. He’d wake up, give me a dirty look and I’d be all, “What!? I’m reading. It’s the laptop. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna explode and not in a good way.”
After a few months, Voila…
The old laptop weighed a ton, had a cracked battery, broken CD drive, moved in super slow-mo, hated pictures, loved the spinning Trivial Pursuit wedge holder thingy and had a very shitty disposition. But, it did get Rachel through high school and most of college, was the perfect shopping companion, started this blog with me, played hours of Hulu, kicked eBay’s ass, and stayed pretty fit for an old guy. It’s 7 years old and that’s like 92 in laptop years. When I’m 92, I plan on having a very shitty disposition as well.
As I said goodbye, I wanted to get a picture.
Me: I’m all verklempt.
Volker: You keep using that word. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Me: Are you quoting The Princess Bride?! You killed my father, prepare to die!
Volker: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: What are you talking about?
Volker: Verklemmt, it means ‘not showing emotion’.
Me: Yeah, no it doesn’t. It means ‘overcome with emotion’. Wow, it’s a German word, Volker, you should know what it means.
Volker: I DO know what it means! You, however, do not and you keep using it wrong.
Me: Not according to Saturday Night Live, Barbara Streisand AND Whoopi Goldberg – three witnesses for the plaintiff. Case closed. I win.
Volker: I’m sad.
Me: Why are you smiling?
Volker: I’m using sad in a new way. It means happy now.
Me: Somebody’s a sore loser.
I’m not accustomed to fancy functional technology. Every time I open up this new machine, I think it’s broken because there are no creepy noises. I’ll get used to it. I just loaded a picture in like 5 seconds… or it took ten years and I have no idea what’s happening (cue Doctor Who theme song).
American German – language lesson #79
Verklemmt (fur-klemt) – inhibited, doesn’t show emotion. That’s a German word. Verklempt (fer-klempt) – overcome by emotion. That’s a Yiddish word. I tried to educate myself on the etymology of both words so I could write something intelligent here but after 45 minutes on some language thread, my head exploded. Now my pretty laptop needs cleaned and I’m all verklemmt or verklempt…I’m all tired. Don’t tell Volker! I’m still the winner.