An early birthday surprise that might be responsible for tearing the fabric of time. My bad.

You guys!  My husband gave me a new laptop for my birthday!  Two weeks early!  Probably because he loves me but MAYBE because he was tired of me complaining about my old crappy laptop (which was also Rachel’s old crappy laptop, so I had a hand-me-down-ancient-practically-etching-on-stone laptop that wasn’t even good enough for a poor college student.)  Also, it made this loud, grinding sound every time it was turned on.  Not turned on like ready for sex, but turned on like powered up.  I assume.  I mean, that would be most likely.  If it was the ‘come and get me with your big hard drive’ kind of turned on, then I am in possession of documented non-android, computer porn sounds, should any scientist be interested.  For research.  I fully support the advancement of science, y’all.

I may have, on several occasions, waited for Volker to fall asleep then cranked on the computer.  He’d wake up,  give me a dirty look and I’d be all, “What!?  I’m reading.  It’s the laptop.  I’m pretty sure it’s gonna explode and not in a good way.”

After a few months, Voila…

Ta-daaaaa! It's so light, I almost threw it over my shoulder.  AND it's computer porn sounds free.

It’s so light, I almost threw it over my shoulder. AND there are no weird computer porn sounds, which mostly benefits Volker so it’s like a present for him.

The old laptop weighed a ton, had a cracked battery, broken CD drive, moved in super slow-mo, hated pictures, loved the spinning Trivial Pursuit wedge holder thingy and had a very shitty disposition.  But, it did get Rachel through high school and most of college, was the perfect shopping companion, started this blog with me, played hours of Hulu, kicked eBay’s ass, and stayed pretty fit for an old guy.  It’s 7 years old and that’s like 92 in laptop years.  When I’m 92, I plan on having a very shitty disposition as well.

As I said goodbye, I wanted to get a picture.

The new laptop taking a picture of the old laptop  - I'm not sure why it's all glowy.  I may have caused some kind of tear in the fabric of time or something.  Let me know if you see a bunch of balloon cars, dinosaurs or Winston Churchill.

The new laptop taking a picture of the old laptop – I’m not sure why it’s all glowy. I may have caused some kind of tear in the fabric of time or something. Let me know if you see a bunch of balloon cars, dinosaurs or Winston Churchill.


Me:   I’m all verklempt.

Volker:   You keep using that word.  It doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Me:   Are you quoting The Princess Bride?!  You killed my father, prepare to die!

Volker:   What the hell are you talking about?

Me:   What are you talking about?

Volker:   Verklemmt, it means ‘not showing emotion’.

Me:   Yeah, no it doesn’t.  It means ‘overcome with emotion’.  Wow, it’s a German word, Volker, you should know what it means.

Volker:   I DO know what it means!  You, however, do not and you keep using it wrong.

Me:   Not according to Saturday Night Live, Barbara Streisand AND Whoopi Goldberg – three witnesses for the plaintiff.  Case closed.  I win.

Volker:   I’m sad.

Me:   Why are you smiling?

Volker:   I’m using sad in a new way.  It means happy now.

Me:   Somebody’s a sore loser.

I’m not accustomed to fancy functional technology.  Every time I open up this new machine, I think it’s broken because there are no creepy noises.  I’ll get used to it.  I just loaded a picture in like 5 seconds… or it took ten years and I have no idea what’s happening (cue Doctor Who theme song).


American German – language lesson #79

Verklemmt (fur-klemt) – inhibited, doesn’t show emotion.  That’s a German word.  Verklempt (fer-klempt) – overcome by emotion.  That’s a Yiddish word.  I tried to educate myself on the etymology of both words so I could write something intelligent here but after 45 minutes on some language thread, my head exploded.  Now my pretty laptop needs cleaned and I’m all verklemmt or verklempt…I’m all tired.  Don’t tell Volker!  I’m still the winner.



  1. HOLY SHIT SO THAT’S WHY WINSTON CHURCHILL JUST DROVE BY IN A BALLOON CAR WITH A DINOSAUR. I just thought the neighborhood was going downhill.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…Fun Friday Facts #84: This Is Your Brain on MythsMy Profile

  2. Great, so when someone informs me that I’m verklempt or verklemmt (my ears hear the same thing), then they must be right! (smile)

    PS – congrats on the new laptop!

    • julieyoujest says:

      That is correct. Some of the debaters in the language thread I was reading argue that they are in fact the same word and the spelling and meaning difference came about in the US…then they started using words I had never heard to differentiate between languages, dialects, and very specific nuances of language evolution…wow. It went on and on and on. I decided just to use the word as I learned it on SNL and ask my husband to humor me. Then I demanded that the 45 minutes of my life spent reading the thread be returned to me immediately. 🙂

  3. Happy Birthday and thanks for the laughs. I love the Princess Bride reference. Congrats on the new laptop.
    Rhonda Albom recently posted…Traveling on a Budget – How We Save on Airfare and LodgingMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Thanks Rhonda! Rachel and I can quote Princess Bride but those are lost on Volker. He doesn’t know what we’re talking about half the time.

  4. New shiny toy new shiny toy and oh hi!

    my inner nerd was thinking that maybe the fan was making the sexy noise!

    I am mostly verklempt and sad (volker’s new definition) 🙂

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