Beer Zombies

June 9, 2014 update:  Someone had linked to this so I was rereading it for the first time.  It says 2012.  I was all, “Have I been blogging for two years?  I thought it was one.”  It should say 2013.  I could edit it but it made me laugh and it’s so typical of my brain.  I get years, months and dates confused all the time.


I live in Benton County Arkansas. I love it here. It’s beautiful and there’s an awesome museum.  But it’s not without its idiosyncrasies.

Benton County had been dry since 1936; now, in 2012 it‘s wet. This has nothing to do with weather or vaginas.  Until today, stores could not sell alcohol.  I think that the “powers that be” thought that if children saw beer in a store they would immediately drop out of school, start shooting up heroin, and become gay.  Well, this election, the deviants won and now we have beer and wine for sale in stores right next to the paper towels and frozen pizza.  Woohoo!

Today was the first day one could purchase beer in Benton County, so, at 7am our local news staked out the Kum and Go to report on this historic event.

Reporter guy, “It’s a common sight to see people coming into the store and just staring at the cooler cases and the bottles and cans and cases here; and just, literally in shock, in awe at the bottles of beer.”

Really, reporter guy?!

My prediction of the news tomorrow:  CDC Reports Benton County Arkansas Overcome by Zombies!

Witness:  “It’s the beer bottles!  The darned hypnotic beer bottles!  My wife was staring at them in awe and next thing I know…Oh, the horror!  Look away, people!  Look away!”

Pastor Ted:  “Yeah, I told you this would happen.”


American German – language lesson #8

Bitte nicht mein Gesicht essen! (bit-ta nikt mine ga-zikt es-sen) Please, do not eat my face.  Perfect for the beer zombie apocalypse.


  1. Robbie Hill says:

    yes, but is it 3.2 beer??? haha…we are still in the semi-dark ages across the border…but go to Arizona and you can get your liquor in the stores too! 😉

  2. julieyoujest says:

    I don’t know all of the rules yet but just a few minutes from my house, across the Missouri state line, there’s like a whole twenty kinds of tequila liquor store in the Wal-Mart. If people are shocked by beer just wait until the Skinny Bitch margarita mix shows up to the party.

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