Captain Hook – Arkansas style.

I just got back from a short visit to Oklahoma.  I was returning a nephew.

This is Austin.  He’s 17 and he loves to fish.

Frying fish at Grandma's.  Shirts are optional but aprons are mandatory.

Frying fish at Grandma’s. Shirts are optional but aprons are mandatory.

He’s been fishing at my house without incident since forever.

Austin is the one holding the big not-dead-but-probably-sick fish.

Austin is the one holding the big not-dead-but-probably-sick fish.

The day before we left, he was fishing alone off of our dock.  I hear, “Aunt Julie, you’re gonna want to see this.”  That can’t be good.  It wasn’t.  There was a fish hook in his finger.  Not just caught a little, but IN his finger.

I blurred out the icky part.  You're welcome.

I blurred out the icky part. You’re welcome.

Me:  How did that happen?

Austin:  I don’t know.  I was taking a bass off of the hook on the other side and the empty hook must have jammed into my finger.

Me:  Wait.  You had a fish on the hook while the hook was in your finger?  The same hook?

Austin:  Yes.  The fish was all squirming around and I had to get it off the hook with my other hand without ripping my finger off.

Me:  Did you take a picture?

Austin:  The thought never occurred to me.

Me:  That’s unfortunate.

So I had to illustrate it.  Teenagers can be so thoughtless.

The fish was way bigger but I'm not good at drawing to scale.

The fish was way bigger but I’m not good at drawing to scale.

Austin’s mom, Sheli, has three boys.  She’s use to ER visits where things are broken, cut, jammed, or missing.  I have one daughter, we go to the ER for things like ovaries, appendix, and E Coli.  It’s not quite the same.

I called my sister to tell her what was happening

Me:  Austin has a fish hook in his finger.  I’m taking him to the ER.

Sheli:  What?  Just cut off the end, pull it out and pour some alcohol on it.

Me:  Yeah, that’s not happening.   One, it didn’t go through so the barbs are IN his finger.  Two, he’ll scream.  Three, any alcohol pouring will be down my throat.  I know I live in Arkansas but we’ve had hospitals available for years.  I’m not getting out some leather strap for him to bite down on while I cut his finger open with a hunting knife then sew it up with thread I store in the handle…  I’m so upset, I’m mixing up my movie references.

Sheli:  Wimp.

At the ER, we wait for about an hour with Austin holding the fishhook.  As soon as the doctor comes in, Austin says:

“Can we save the fishing lure?”

I’m thinking because he wants to keep it as a souvenir or something.

“It was working really well and I want to keep fishing with it.”

Seriously!?  Boys are weird.

and they'll eat anything.

and they’ll eat anything.

No lures were injured during the making of this post.  When we got home, he immediately went back to fishing with that lure.  He caught several more bass and no other body parts.  I had a shot of whiskey and made sure he had his grandpa’s cell number in case there was another incident.  My quota for boy injuries has been met for the year.

 

American German – language lesson #67

Fischköpfe, Fischköpfe, esst sie auf, lecker.  (fee-cu-pfa fee-cu-pfa.  est zee owf, leck-a)  Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum.  All this talk of fish and now I can’t stop singing this song.  I loved the Dr. Demento Show.  I was a weird kid.

 

 

Comments

  1. “Three, any alcohol pouring will be down my throat.”

    Oh, my Lord, I cannot stop laughing! I’m crying! Seriously…although, it very well could be the alcohol I’ve been pouring down MY throat. But still and all…alcohol or no…you are a riot and a half!
    Kelly @ Dysfunctionally Functional recently posted…I have children with this man.My Profile

  2. “We’ve had hospitals available for years.” YEARS.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…Things People Say When They Find Out I’m a WriterMy Profile

  3. Good times at aunt julie’s ! Rember when you got a hook to the face in dads boat or foot I can’t rember lets go with face!!

    • julieyoujest says:

      I must have blocked that memory. It was probably the face and it matched all the nail holes in my foot.

  4. Bobroth says:

    Oh. My. Gawd. Someone has co-opted your site and made it pretty, but that’s so not why I’m here… fook, I forgot why the fuck I’m commenting. OH YES! Isn’t blogging fucking easy when you don’t have to make shit up? I mean, I sat in a coffee shop today rapping with an LOL (little old lady), the same one who told me a few weeks ago that a laptop on my lap would spoil the goods, and she told me all about why she never reached into her husband’s or kids’ pants pockets when doing laundry… Don’t go searching for something that isn’t already yours. Hmm.

    • julieyoujest says:

      Holy shit! You should have coffee with that lady everyday!

      I’m with her on the laptop frying your junk…it that really a risk you’re willing to take!?

  5. Boys are definitely weird! I would have been freaking out if that happened to me, but all he was worried about was keeping the lure!
    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted…So many Monopoly related deaths could have been avoided, if only we’d known…My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      He wasn’t phased at all. Just wanted the lure SO HE COULD KEEP FISHING WITH IT! I made him put it in a urine specimen cup so it wouldn’t end up embedded into my car or another appendage on the way home. Boys.

  6. I feel squeezy…this is not for me…eek!!
    Poke The Rock recently posted…Veggie bluesMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I would have been more freaked out if I had to touch the fish. I don’t know what happened but when I was a kid that didn’t bother me at all. Now…Ewww!

  7. I love that his biggest concern was keeping the lure and not that he had a barbed hook stuck in his finger…boys really are a strange breed
    Maple Syrup Land recently posted…This was supposed to be about inventions, but it turned into a post about my 80’s hair. I got sidetracked, ok?My Profile

  8. Oh Julie, remember these are the same kids that took all the bass they caught one time and decided to put them in Uncle Volker’s Koi pond ……. you know like a live well of sorts. Bass are cannibals….. and they love koi. I think that may have been one of the few times I saw Volker so angry he couldn’t remember English. Personally, I’ll never tell Volker, but it was pretty dang hilarious!!!!!

    • Julie You Jest says:

      Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Poor koi, they didn’t stand a chance. I wish I had Volker fishing for bass out of the tiny koi pond on video. It was hilarious! Unless Volker is reading this, then it was terrible.

  9. Boys and their fishing habits. I remember our fishing trips in Minnesota where the worrying was divided equally between parents and grandparents. I can’t recall if it was because we would or wouldn’t catch fish that day along the lake, but it was fun every time.
    Tommia recently posted…Saturday Snapshots – “Full Circle” EditionMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      What great memories! Some of my favorites from childhood are fishing trips. My gross out factor isn’t what it used to be…it creeps me out too much to take a fish off a hook but when I was younger, no problem.

  10. After all that, your nephew is probably showing off that pic to all of his friends because it’s, you know, cool to bleed and everything.
    Suzanne Lucas recently posted…THe Six-Choice Pillow Menu for a Good Night’s SleepMy Profile

  11. Boys are so gross! I have twin boys, so I say that as a statement of fact. I love that your nephew wanted to keep the lure!

    • julieyoujest says:

      And he immediately returned to fishing when we got home!

      Twin boys! That’s a lot of activity!!

  12. Ouch, the story hurts my fingers out of sympathy. I would have been with you going to the hospital, although I am the photographer at a big fishing contest and they just clip and pull it out – but they still go and get a tetnus shot.
    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes recently posted…How To Separate Water – Our Homeschool Science ProjectMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Thank you. I think the hospital was definitely the way to go. His other hand was covered with blood and when the doctor asked about it, Austin shrugged and said, “oh, that’s fish blood.” Of course it was.

  13. Wow, that’s just nuts and I think usually she says something that’s more like, “is it in yet?” – sorry, that’s just me being me!

    Also, I’m passing you on a Whore It Up Award, but I’m just putting the finishing touches on my own post. Give me a few minutes and all the deets will be there for ya!
    Brandy recently posted…Photo-a-Day – 9: from down lowMy Profile

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