Abducted by aliens would have been a better story.

Remember how I said I’d explain my hiatus later,  well, it’s later… I’m a good person.  Ask anyone.  However, I can’t help but be suspicious that I’ve pissed off some higher power whose main objective for all of eternity is  kicking the shit out of me…well, honestly, with all the meds I take, that’s the […]

To all the crazy, twisted freaks…Welcome.

You know when you read about some awesome thing that happens to other people but couldn’t possibly happen to you.  You’re happy for them and all but secretly hope – Someday, maybe, I will be writing about how this happened to me.  Well, for me, that day is today, bitches! My 1st Annual Recap of Twisted […]

It’s an almost-Christmas miracle. Miracle is too strong…surprise, maybe or just post. It’s an almost-Christmas post.

It’s been over two months – I know, I’ll explain* later – but today, it’s Christmas (sort of – at least it’s still December).  Happy Holidays!  We’re back in Austria to celebrate the season.  I love this place. We got here in time to celebrate Christmas Eve.  The guests of the hotel gather around and […]

Animals do not play well with animal ringtones – Bad Duck.

Today, I was going to post something about how I’ve been in a funk and how I feel all crummy and how having diseases sucks up the place (alert the presses)…blah, blah, cry me a river, blah.  I was typing away when I get a text from my niece to call my sister at work. […]

My ridiculous obsession with television.

Television and I have a very long history.  There are those that warn of the evils of TV but truth be known, TV made me smarter.  I can still recite the preamble to the Constitution, know the process for becoming a law, get the function of a conjunction, and I know we were suffering until […]

An early birthday surprise that might be responsible for tearing the fabric of time. My bad.

You guys!  My husband gave me a new laptop for my birthday!  Two weeks early!  Probably because he loves me but MAYBE because he was tired of me complaining about my old crappy laptop (which was also Rachel’s old crappy laptop, so I had a hand-me-down-ancient-practically-etching-on-stone laptop that wasn’t even good enough for a poor […]

Extreme Dreams and OREOs

You know how I keep saying that I’m feeling better?  I’m such a liar.  In the past month, I’ve had an upper respiratory infection,  throat ulcers (ewwww),  a “boil-like” skin infection (I know, disgusting.  It felt like someone left an iron on my abdomen) and several wicked migraines.  Seriously!?  I mean, COME ON!   Enough […]

Being water logged is not as fun as it sounds.

This morning at 4 am, I was sleeping and minding my own business when the phones started screaming at me.  Flash Flood Warnings!!!  Every 5 minutes!  “Ok, I got it, already.  Stop yelling at me.  I live on a hill for fuck sake and I’m SLEEPING.  Jeez.”   Apparently, 7.5 inches of rain fell in […]

I found my way out of Shitville. It took a while (I’d get lost in a circle)

I fell off the planet for over a month.  I’ve been visiting Shitville.  It sucks and it does not get my seal of approval as a vacation destination. Every summer I get a high voltage cortisone shot, this shot gives me a glimpse into an almost normal existence for about a month.  It’s my happy.  […]

Everyone at HGTV is a big liar! I’m talking to you, Lara Spencer and all you other home makeover’ers.

The next time I say something about a cortisone shot making me all super-powered, I need for someone to drive to Arkansas and slap the shit out of me.   Who’s gonna take point on that? For some inexplicable reason, I decided that it was time to redecorate Rachel’s room.  Probably because I’m jacked up […]