Customs doesn’t need to know

I bought this for my dad at the Munich airport.


Me:  Look what I found for my dad, dick nougat!

Volker:  What!?  That’s wrong on so many levels.

Me:  It says Wiener Nougat but dick is another name for wiener so it’s the same thing.

Volker:  I don’t think your dad’s going to eat that.

I spend the 30 minutes before we board working ‘dick nougat’ into as many sentences as possible.  Volker spent this time with his fingers in his ears and humming.  We both have our ways of dealing with travel fatigue. Once on the plane, it was totally forgotten.

Until customs.  Right before we land, I had a massive allergy/asthma attack.  It was brutal.  By the time we got to passport check, I was completely exhausted and I thought my head was going to explode.  So, when the customs officer asked me what I bought in Germany my brain scrambled a little and before I could stop it from happening… well, here’s how it went.

Customs officer:  What did you purchase on your trip?

Me (looking completely baffled):  Huh?

Customs officer:  What did you bring back from Germany?

Me: Oh, dickkk nouuuugat (like in super slow-mo, I can hear it happening but I can’t stop it) I mean, Wiener Nougat…Oh God…CHOCOLATE!  (Now I’m thinking, “Not a chocolate dick, officer”, you know, like that’s obviously where his mind went because he’s black and I said wiener and chocolate in the same sentence.  I’m an idiot. So, I continue.)  Candy, actually.  I don’t have any chocolate.  I like chocolate.  I just didn’t bring any back with me. Chocolate is great.  (insert awkward silence)  Yeah, oh, AND, uh, a sweater that was on sale at H & M.  It’s blue.

The custom’s guy is looking at me like ‘What the heck, lady?’  So, I try getting out the Wiener Nougat to show him and he’s still just glaring at me and all “Yeah, I don’t need to see that.”  Oddly enough, he sent me on my way.  Sadly, he wouldn’t let me take a picture for the blog.

There may be a guest spot on the No Flight list in my future.


American German – language lesson #5

Wiener Schnitzel (vee ner shnit sel) – Wiener is in the style of Wien (Vienna, Austria) and schnitzel is a cutlet.  No wieners or sausages of any kind will come to the table when ordering Wiener Schnitzel.  I know.  I was as surprised as you are.

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