Do you mind if I smoke or maybe burst into flames?

My internal thermostat is hokey and I always feel that at any moment I could burst into flames.  Yes, I joke a lot about spontaneous combustion, as do most women whose ovaries have checked out and flipped the bird at estrogen production, but it’s not like it could really happen. WRONG!

I’m scanning the news this morning when I hear this – coming from a REAL NEWS ANCHOR (not Spinal Tap):

“Right now investigators aren’t ruling out the possibility that a local man died of spontaneous combustion.”

What?  Holy shit.  Before today, this was just some irrational fear in the far reaches of my brain.  Now, I’m walking around my house covered in ice packs.  This is bad, people.  If this is true then it calls into question all the other things I like to joke about but don’t really believe could happen like the zombie apocalypse and a yeti invasion.  Planet of the Apes isn’t looking so far fetched now, is it?  Great.

German American – language lesson #19

Ihr Wahnsinnige!  Ihr blast es weg!  Verdammt!  Verdammt geht alle in die Hölle! (Ear wan-sin-neg-a!  Ear blast es veg!  Fur-dampt!  Fur-dampt geet alla en dee hul-la) You maniacs!  You blew it up!  Damn you!  Damn you all to hell!  - What Charlton Heston would sound like in German. (For you youngsters – Original Planet of the Apes, Statue of Liberty head on the beach scene.  You should watch it today in preparation for our impending doom.)