E is for Everclear (you really can’t detect that stuff)

I was such a good girl growing up.  Seriously, I did little to no wrong. (Stop laughing, Sam)  Well, there was this one time.

In 10th grade, Amy McGinis took me to a party (that’s right, I’m naming names) and in the kitchen there was this trash can full of punch and a watermelon.   I spent most of my time at church, y’all.  I didn’t know about trashcans and watermelons.  Someone offered me a solo cup’o’fun (Donny) and I gulped it down.  It was really good, so I had more.  Not sure how much more.  Don’t recall.

Suddenly, everything was happiness and sparkle.  Normally, I would have been terrified around all these worldly wise kids but after that punch, I had abnormally high self esteem.  I easily worked the room with my winning personality and new found slur.

At one point, me and my new found friends were making it rain in the bathroom – the sink had this cool Waterpik thingy built right into the faucet and I thought that was the most ingenious thing ever to be invented.  Ever.  Keep in mind, I didn’t have running water at my house (a story for another letter).  Eventually, I peeled myself away from this mystical wonder and walked(ish) into the living room.

Cue the Thompson Twins.  Enter PDR (name totally changed).  He was this dreamy guy I had a crush on since like 4th grade.  I was Molly Ringwald and he was whoever played Jake.  We kissed.  The room spun, not likely for the reasons I thought at the time and magically, it turned into a bedroom – What the…?   Not so fast, Romeo!   I was suddenly very aware of my surroundings and I panicked.

Me:  What are we doing in here?

Creepy teenaged boy not at all like Jake:  It’s what we’re about to do.

Me:  Ewww!

About the time I was giving him the ole knee to the groin, Amy barged in and we high tailed it out of there, screaming, laughing and probably saying “Excuse me” a lot.  It was like a John Hughes meets Thelma and Louise meets The Goofy Gophers kind of exit.

When we got to the car, we were yelling with excitement as only teenaged girls can, then dipping into guilt and remorse, then jumping back to ecstatic – girls are exhausting.  I was yelling, “I can’t believe that just happened!  I could’ve gotten pregnant!”  (Yeah, no.  I was standing and fully dressed.)  So we held hands and prayed to Jesus to please get us home safely.  Amy hadn’t been drinking and we were six blocks from her house.  We may have overreacted a bit.

We weren’t invited to any more parties.

My glasses are fabulous, y'all!

My glasses are fabulous, y’all!

I had never touched alcohol before that night and when I woke up the next morning, I thought I would probably die.  I didn’t.  Instead, I rode my bike to work.  I was a dishwasher.  I lasted about an hour before I lost the contents of my stomach while running full sprint to the bathroom in front of a diner full of what were, prior to that moment, hungry patrons.  Jeez.

Amy and I twenty-some years later.

Amy and I twenty-some years later.

We dodged a few proverbial bullets in our youth.  Later, bad decisions became more costly.  Not sure I’d change much of it.  I like where I am now and if Doctor Who has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t go messing with the past without screwing up the present.

 

American German – language lesson #36

Weg von mir! (veg fawn meer) Get away from me! – Every teenaged girl should have this in her arsenal of phrases.

Comments

  1. That was one very fun and very relatable story.
    melanie schulz recently posted…E is for EuphoricMy Profile

  2. WHO WAS PDR????

    • julieyoujest says:

      Hi Melissa!! I can’t say on the internet! I’ll direct message you on FB. Oh, crap, that’s the internet.

  3. Just stopping by for a visit. Great A to Z post!
    Laura @ The Sweet Simple Things

  4. Fantastic read and a great final point!
    Tommia recently posted…EncouragementMy Profile

  5. haha! Great story!! Amy sounds like a perfect friend – getting you into trouble AND getting you out. 😉
    Lola recently posted…E is for…My Profile

  6. Hahaha great story and a great memory to have 🙂 yeah, I can relate to those crazy times. Enjoy the rest of the challenge!
    marwil recently posted…Fitness & FindingsMy Profile

  7. “I could’ve gotten pregnant!”

    You’re a riot! I’m loving your stories. And I think the German language lessons are awesome. 😀
    Kelly @ Dysfunctionally Functional recently posted…B is for . . .My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Thanks Kelly! I was a giant goober. Honestly, I’m still a giant goober but I’ve embraced it and decided that it’s a charming attribute.

Trackbacks

  1. […] McGinis (my partner in crime for E day) double-dog-dared me to name my post that and you can’t just say no to a […]

  2. […] embarrassment I’ve had to recover from.  Once, I ran through the restaurant I worked in projectile vomiting in front of dining customers – that one was bad as well.  Sorry, that’s more than one […]

Leave a Reply to melanie schulz Cancel reply

*

CommentLuv badge