Everyone should own a floating head.

Last week, I was roaming the streets of Innsbruck with Volker and Rachel when we happened upon a store full of awesome.  Antique books and paintings and jewelry and super cool stuff.

Stuff

Cool stuff.
Swords, grinders and churners…

gas masks and cameras and binoculars...

gas masks and cameras and binoculars…

This hat.

This hat.

 

Me:  Holy…What the balls?  That is AWESOME!

Volker:  What is it?

Me:  I was just about to ask you (That took me like a full minute to say.  I couldn’t stop staring at it and I couldn’t make my mouth close).  We’re taking him home with us.

Isn't he beautiful?!

Isn’t he beautiful?!

Me:  It looks like he’s floating.  He’s a giant floating head without eyeballs that stares into your soul…it’s like Tom Selleck and Gallagher had a baby…in Oz.  You think he’ll fit in my carry-on?

Volker:  That is NOT coming home with us.

Me:  But I already named him…

I went to grab Magnum Maximillian (Mag Max for short) off the wall when, out of nowhere, Volker flies in front of me like he’s trying to stop a bullet.  This is a tiny store, there’s not really a lot of room for lunging.  I stood perfectly still, which is lucky because had I tried to jump out of his way, I would have destroyed a giant display of 200-year-old haunted cherub heads whose spirits would have taken up residence in my sweater or something and killed us all in our sleep.  He did some kind of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon thing and ended up standing beside me like nothing just happened.

I was so impressed, I almost forgot about the fact that he was freaking out simply because I was about to touch something in an antique store.  I may have some history that could possibly warrant such an extreme response but we don’t have to bring it up every time we shop somewhere, Volker.  I mean, what else are you supposed to do when you want to look at the bottom piece of some old pottery that’s stacked four high?  I was never very good at Jenga but after that, I became quite adept at mosaics.  Win.

Mag’s price tag said 450€.   That’s over $600.  He’s really old, hand carved, full of awesome and, apparently, has some kind of hidden treasure tucked up in his sideburns.  At this point, there was absolutely no argument I could come up with that would justify a $600 floating head.

My usual wear him down routine typically ends with Volker saying, “It’s fine with me.  What you buy is up to you.  Do whatever you think is right.”  Really?  Like *poof* I’ll be a reasonable person?  That never works.  Instead, I say, “Ummm, ok, I’m totally buying the {insert whatever borderline bat-shit crazy thing I can’t live without at the moment here},”  Volker responds with, “Ok {thing}, you’ll look great in our next garage sale.”  The end.

But, in addition to that whole charade, I would have had to haggle with the very nice shopkeeper until the price was around $100, which was NEVER going to happen…Ok, maybe $200 but that’s my final…$250 but that’s it.  I just remembered, I’m terrible at haggling.

I’ve regretted not buying Mag Max every day since.  We’re leaving for Munich tomorrow.  I could detour to Innsbruck.  I should detour to Innsbruck, right?

He wouldn't let me buy this one either.<br />And, yes, that is Jesus (his cross is missing so he's just ninja floating in the corner and totally photo bombing this picture of Volker holding an I-don't-know-what-the-shit-that-is in front of his face).

He wouldn’t let me buy this one either.
And, yes, that is Jesus (the cross is missing so he’s just ninja floating in the corner and totally photo bombing this picture of Volker holding an I-don’t-know-what-the-shit-that-is in front of his face).

Best. Shop. Ever.

I’m going to spend the rest of this trip thinking of all the awesome things Mag Max and I could do together.  Any suggestions?  I’m gonna need a lot of ammunition to win this one, y’all.

 

American German  – language lesson #103

Gehe nicht mit deinem Mann einkaufen. (ge-huh nickt mit die-nim man ine-cough-en)  Don’t shop with your husband.  –  Seriously, the only legitimate reason there is for my not having the floating head guy right now is husband.  I’ve conveniently forgotten about price and transport.  I could eat mac and cheese for two months and simply wear Mag Max on the airplane…If there’s a problem, yo, I’ll solve it (aside from ice ice baby, that’s the only line of the song I know).  Oh, not true…Stop!  Collaborate and listen.  That’s all I got.

PS  –  I’ll try really hard to never quote Vanilla Ice again.

Comments

  1. Holy floating Christ!!! is what I’m going to start saying instead of holy sh*t or something like that.

    LOL.

  2. I one saw a human skull for sale in an antique shop in Bruges. A HUMAN SKULL.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…Let’s Get Some Resolutions Up in This New YearMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      That’s insane! I’m letting that information set in a bit. I was in Bruges. I didn’t go to any antique stores or see any skulls but I did have the best fish soup I’ve ever had. I cracked my kneecap on some cobblestone – I didn’t know it at the time (even though it swelled up the size of my head). I just iced it and climbed that freaking giant tower the next day – it took me hours. Like a year later, my doctor asked me when I cracked my kneecap and I was all, “Oh, that’s makes sense.” True story. Holy floating Christ…a HUMAN skull? A human skull. Did you buy it?

  3. I have a husband who stops me from buying totally cool things like that floating head as well, although mine would never get to the point of “what ever you think is right” as I would also own that funny floating head – especially if we were traveling. Thanks for the laughs.
    Rhonda Albom recently posted…The Labyrinth Wall Monster Party! (Book Blurb)My Profile

  4. I am clearly shopping at all the wrong places. And with all the wrong people. I needs to see these crazy things in stores. My life needs a shaking up of this sort.
    Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz) recently posted…Oscars Week #3My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I’m constantly on the hunt for funky/bizarre shops/thrift stores/creepy garage sales. Northwest Arkansas doesn’t have much of that happening, at least I haven’t found it yet.

Trackbacks

  1. […] – uh huh.  I’m pretty sure he thought I was sneaking off to Innsbruck to buy Mag Max.  I honestly hadn’t thought of it.  I was, however, planning on finding another floating […]

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