F is for Fight (Spoiler – I totally win)

My sister was four years old when I was born.  She may have been excited about the prospect of having a little sister, but once I actually showed up…let’s just say, I took up too much of momma’s time.  Instead of blaming our parents, Paula turned her outrage my way.

Paula in a happier time.

Paula in a happier time.

Here are a few of the ways my loving sister tortured me throughout my childhood:

When I was two, Paula made me a chocolate cake.  She really talked it up, “It’s so good.  Yummy chocolate.  You should try it.”  I did.  It was mud.  I fell for this at least twice and even though I was only two years old, I have a vivid memory of my mom cleaning the mud out of my mouth over the bathroom sink and scolding ME for being dumb enough to fall for this trick.  I’d probably risk it again for the chance of chocolate cake.  I love me some chocolate, y’all.

I'm running from my sister.

I’m running from my sister.  I still run like that.

When I was three, Paula decided that she wanted a brother so she cut all of my hair off.  To the roots!  It was picture day (of course it was), so my mom taped a bow to my head and off we went.  Paula has this photo framed and hanging in her house today.  I don’t think she’s sorry.

I'm the blonde - with the cute hair!

I’m the blonde – with the cute hair!  Not for long.

 

The bow-taped picture is suspiciously missing from my house.  This is soon after.  That's not my brother!

The bow-taped picture is suspiciously missing from my house. This is soon after. That’s not my brother!

When I was four, Paula and her friend, Clothesline (Chloe), were swimming in our pool.  By pool, I mean a giant galvanized-steel horse trough that was about 12’ in diameter and 2’ deep.  I was off playing with a stick or something when my sister yells, “Come play with us!”  What?  Me?  Really?  I headed that way.  “Wait!   Run and get that jack-o’-lantern bucket.”  I obeyed and retrieved the bucket.  She looked at me weird and said, “No, not that one.  There’s another one on the side of the house.”  They were giggling and pointing out exactly where I was to go.  (So many clues)  I ran off to get it.  When I picked it up a swarm of bees flew out.  These were not happy bees.  They were full on pissed that I’d disturbed their slumber and wanted to kill me type bees.  I freaked out, running around the yard screaming and swinging that jack-o’-lantern bucket frantically over my head trying to get the bees away.  Yeah, I probably should have dropped that bucket before running.  Hindsight.  Yet another vivid memory of my mom and me in the bathroom, over the sink, this time pulling out bee stingers and dabbing on calamine lotion.  I looked liked I had bathed in Pepto Bismol.  Paula and Clothesline were sent to the store with a dollar, “not to return until they’d spent the whole thing.”  WTF, Mom!?

My hair is still growing out.

On the plus side, I’m not allergic to bees.

The torture continued and I continued to get lectured, ‘You should have known better.  You should have seen that coming.”  Until I was around twelve and this happened:

We were all sitting around the dinner table (mom, stepdad, six kids).  Even though no one can remember exactly what it was that spurred this event, I’m sure it was Paula’s fault and my reaction was totally justified.  One minute, I was passing the potatoes and the next I was lunging over the table.  Seriously, I went across the table.  I knocked her chair backwards onto the floor and just started whaling on her, like Ralphie on the bully in A Christmas Story, only without the profanity.

Mom to Stepdad:  Aren’t you going to do something?

Stepdad:  No.  It was bound to happen eventually.

They all just kept eating.

After that, no more torture.  We didn’t even fight through the teen years.  In fact, she always had my back.  Now, we’re neighbors. Turns out, she’s an awesome sister and an even better friend.  Who saw that coming?  Most likely, everyone but me.

 

American German – language lesson #37

Ich liebe meine Schwestern. (ick lay-ba mine-a shves-tern) I love my sisters.  No worries, Sherli and Sheli stories will also be featured in the A to Z Challenge.  Equal billing for all sisters.

Comments

  1. Oh, man! I love this post.

    My sister is 7 years older than me and I fell for EVERYTHING growing up. I totally understand falling for a mud pie twice in a row, ‘cuz I fell for the old, “can I wiggle your loose tooth?” routine twice. Both times, she yanked the loose tooth right out of my head instead of just wiggling it!

    We are the best of buds now, but we live 2000 miles away. I envy you for getting to live next door to your sister.

    Tui
    visiting from the #AtoZchallenge
    Twitter: @mentalmosaic
    Blog: http://www.mentalmosaic.com/blog
    Tui Snider @mentalmosaic recently posted…A to Z: The 6 Flags of TexasMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Ouch! 2000 miles – that’s got to be a different time zone. I hope y’all get to take advantage of Skype and cell phones. Sisters are awesome!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  2. I have three brothers and the stories I could tell… I can empathize with you completely! Still loved hearing about it though – comedy in the shared experience is true connection 🙂
    Julianne Snow (@CdnZmbiRytr) recently posted…F is for FidoMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      You are so right! I’d love to hear the brother stories. Both of mine are younger, once I walked into the kitchen to find one standing on a chair frying roly-poly bugs. Yuck.

  3. Aw, siblings – they keep us sane or drive us insane! Sounds like your sister was the latter. There’s a healthy difference between my brother and me and I think that’s why we’re fortunate to have the relationship that we do (not that we weren’t good at pranking one another of course). Great read!
    Tommia recently posted…Saturday Snapshot – Falls EditionMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Thanks! I’m lucky that she’s awesome now. You are fortunate, some siblings butt heads their whole lives. That would stink.

  4. This made me laugh and cry. I only have one brother, and though we used to be close, we haven’t spoken in nearly a year, and we’ve been at odds for even longer. I miss him sooooo much! I envy your relationship with your siblings.
    Kelly @ Dysfunctionally Functional recently posted…A is for . . .My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Kelly, I’m sorry to hear that about you and your brother. I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. I don’t know the history so I’m not sure what to say other than I hope you two can mend things soon.

  5. Love the post! (And your pictures are adorable.) I’ve nominated you for a special A to Z challenger award. http://chloeaevm.wordpress.com/my-first-award-take-a-gander/

    • julieyoujest says:

      Wow. Thank you, Chloe! That is all kinds of awesome! First, I’d like to thank the academy… I know I haven’t won anything but I’ve always wanted to say that and it feels like winning just being nominated. Really! I’m not kidding. That was so nice of you!

  6. Holy crap, reading this just reaffirmed my happiness about being an only child…great post!
    Maple Syrup Land recently posted…G is for glitterMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      There are definitely some perks to being an only child. I’m guessing.

      My sister is awesome now that she’s not trying to kill me.

  7. Siblings are tough.
    Matthew MacNish recently posted…A to Z Challenge 2013: G – GnosisMy Profile

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