Glove on one hand and poop in your pants…that might not be how the saying goes.

I thought it would be a good idea to plant the geraniums I bought last week before they shrivel up and die.  I was in the process of planting them before Rachel’s whole colon explosion thing happened so the bucket of supplies was still sitting on the walkway up to my house.  Yay.  No prep work.  I reached into the bucket to grab my gloves.  They appeared to be covered by these fuzzy things that fall out of our trees

These will not hurt you.  And, yes my hands are muddy.  I can never wear gloves again.  You'll see why.  Just keep reading.

These will not hurt you.  And, yes my hands are muddy.  I can never wear gloves again.  You’ll see why.  Just keep reading.

That’s not at all what was covering the gloves.  These were…

We want to eat your hands!   Bring us your hands!

We want to eat your hands! Bring us your hands!

I reached into the bucket and grabbed terror.

Then I did the dumbest thing…pretty much ever.  I picked up a glove so Volker could snap a photo.

That one little fucker is moving in for the attack.  Munch a bunch a munch a bunch a fingers go with lunch.

That one little fucker is moving in for the attack. Munch a bunch a munch a bunch a fingers go with lunch.

I knew y’all would want a closer look so I was really just trying to be thoughtful and shit – See what happens when you’re trying to be nice!?  Also, I was going to take my new friends to some kind of creepy-ass monster sanctuary where they could live out their days in fuzzy monster bliss, eating leaves or vegatables or live freaking chickens – whatever – but noooo, they weren’t happy with the possibility of utopia, they wanted the immediate gratificaiton of eating my freaking hand.  Jerks.

The moral of this story:  If you try to be a tad considerate, a thousand-legged creature will sense it as a weakness and creep up your arm and try to devour you.

Did you hear that, kids?  Listen up, Aunt JuJu’s trying to teach you something – If you don’t want to be ravaged by a monster, you should probably just be an asshole.

The more you know.

 

American German – language lesson #60  The I edition

Ich flippe aus, verfickt nochmal! (ick flip-pa ouse fur-fickt nock-maul)  I’m going to freak the fuck out!  Yep.  That’s what I’m going to do.  I can’t even close my eyes without seeing those creepy little bastards.

 

Comments

  1. General rule of thumb, if a creature has more legs than you and isn’t a cat or a dog, assume it wants to eat you.
    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted…And the winner of the public embarrassment award is…My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Good rule! My heart is still all racy and I’m not typically jumpy about such things. That might be a lie.

  2. Eeeeek! Super creepy! I just did a post about some creepy crawlies, too. It must be that time of year!
    Punky Coletta recently posted…There was no time to wipe.My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Hi Punky Coletta! Cool name. Yeah, I’m usually not so wimpy but eeewwww, these guys freaked me out. Ok, maybe I am usually so wimpy but I like to think that I’m all tough. I’m not fooling anyone.

  3. You tried to be the bigger person, well you were but you also tried to show a good heart and how do those bastards thank you? Stomp them…stomp them good!
    Poke The Rock recently posted…Day 11: do I ever make sense?My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      You get me. I was even talking all nice to them and everything and they were all, “nom nom nom yummy fingers”

  4. Look on the bright side- you’re going to have butterflies next week!
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 recently posted…A Tale of a $2600 Stuffed BananaMy Profile

  5. That was brave of you to risk your fingers for our benefit.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…I Learned Something NewMy Profile

  6. KILL THEM! KILL THEM WITH FIRE!!
    Sorry…a bit of an over-reaction there. 🙂
    Lily recently posted…A Thank you post, brought to you by Spawn.My Profile

  7. Great advice – sadly it’s good advice in this case. 🙂

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com

  8. More chills from your posts this week!
    Kate recently posted…My mom is better than your momMy Profile

  9. O, so, gross! My sister used to have a pet Bearded Dragon and she fed it live worms (like huge fucking fat ass worms). One time the bag was left open and they all escaped and hid in fun places all over my apartment. I think I had nightmares for weeks!

    Anyway, I nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award 🙂

    Cheers, B from http://brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca/
    Brandy recently posted…Very Inspiring Blogger Award #2My Profile

  10. They’re so cute and fuzzy! I would’ve held them.
    The Insomniac’s Dream recently posted…Panic! (And Not At the Disco)My Profile

Trackbacks

  1. […] kind of crazy infestation of fuzzy creepiness happening at my house.  Earlier this month, they attacked my gardening gloves and since then, I haven’t been able to brave it up enough to stick my fingers into gloves […]

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