You’re Not The Bloggess

I’ve wanted to start a blog for a number of years.  I told myself all the reasons I shouldn’t, you’re not that interesting, you’re not that funny, you know nothing of grammar or sentence structure (I don’t even know if that’s redundant), you’re a disease ridden hobbit that can’t be counted on to finish anything.  All of these are true some of the time (except the grammar one, that’s true all of the time) but some of the time I am interesting and funny and a very limited amount of time I can be counted on to finish something.  Not until this happened did I decide that I would definitely take the plunge…

I was having a dream; not a sleep dream but a daydream, the kind where you sit and watch your life play out in Technicolor and have full edit control capabilities and your pants are loose around the waist.  So, in this episode, I was blogging and I had written a brilliant witty piece, clicked on the ‘post it’ button with wild abandon (I have no idea if there’s a ‘post it’ button, I’ve never done this),  “Take that Internet!” leaned back and waited for all of the accolades.  This is MY dream sequence!  I should get accolades, standing ovations, a party float, whatever.

Instead, in my own freaking dream thing, one single comment.

“You’re not The Bloggess.”

WTF!?  Troll!  Kiss my ass all the way to hell – I’m seriously yelling in real life at my fake life computer screen. And that’s when the gears shifted.  I’m soooo not The Bloggess, I’M NOT THE FREAKING BLOGGESS, and I don’t have to be The Bloggess (although I totally would be because I LOVE LOVE her!)  I gotta be me, I gotta be free.  Thank you, thank you, troll!  At that moment my fear of not being good enough was squashed just as much as I needed it to be to get started.  So here I am, getting started.

I only hope that I figured it out in time to save that troll from hell.

On your mark… Get set…WAIT!  Ok, now I’m ready…(heavy sigh)…Go.


American German – language lesson #1

My last name is Heimeshoff (hī-miss-hoff) – like your teacher’s name is Miss Hoff and you’re saying “Hi”.

Hi, Miss Hoff.

Was ist los, beotch?


  1. WOW now thats funny!

  2. You are funny, you are smart, and darn it people like you

Commenting will make you look younger!


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