I’ll probably lose a finger.

I keep starting a post then moving on to another one without finishing the first one and now I have like a crap-ton of four sentence drafts staring at me like I’m a loser.  Luckily, this came in the mail the other day.

An electric knife sharpener!?  It's like Christmas won't stop coming.

An electric knife sharpener!? It’s like Christmas won’t stop coming.

Me:  What the…Why?

Volker:  It’s here!  Now, I can sharpen all of our knives and even your scissors!

Me:  Don’t you go near my scissors with that thing.   We already have a whetstone, honing rod, and a couple of those red things with a sharpening slot which, now that I think about it, is probably red so the blood from freshly severed fingers will blend right in…why do we need this?

Volker:  All of those things are crap.  This is like magic.

Me:  How much did this magic cost?

Volker:  That’s not important.

He then gathered up all of our knives and headed out to his shop* – he was sort of bouncing – this made him very happy.

To show off his work, he came into the kitchen with a freshly sharpened knife and a piece of paper.  He sliced the paper and looked at me, all wide-eyed, as he waited for my shrieks of delight and amazement.

Me:  What the hell?  Ummm.  That’s very impressive.  I mean, paper…wow.

Volker:  I know!

Seriously, y’all, boys are weird.

In all fairness, the knives are now very sharp.  Stay tuned for follow-up posts about emergency room visits and how I wish I was ambidextrous.  I give it a month.

*We live in Bella Vista, where everything is built into the side of a hill, so our garage has a walk-out basement.  This is Volker’s shop.  It’s full of cinder blocks, a play station, cigars, a used once bowling ball, testosterone, and knives.  I never go in there.

Anyone need a red sharpener thingy that might make you cut off a finger?

American German – language lesson #109

Aber, er ist niedlich. (Abba air ist need-leek) But, he’s cute.  That makes up for all of his oddities.

Left hand still intact.

Left hand still intact.

Comments

  1. Left hand still intact…FOR NOW.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…The UnFriending Lately Has Been Bounteous IndeedMy Profile

  2. Oh, your Volker and my Stalker would get along famously. He loves to sharpen knives to the point of shaving hair off the forearm. And then he ends up cutting himself with other things like screwdrivers and paper.
    Suzanne Lucas recently posted…Can I Get You an Ambulance With That Bandage?My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I’d be afraid to introduce them. “Look, my knife goes through a tree branch.” “Oh yeah, mine goes through bone.” Volker almost cut off a finger BEFORE this electronic sharpening thing – this won’t end well.

  3. Well, if it will make me look younger….

    you just need those gloves that look like little chain link fences. and make sure they go up to the shoulder/armpit area!

  4. Oh man…I am a danger in the kitchen. But I do loves me some sharp knives.
    Michelle recently posted…Weak Is The New Strong: Adult Children Of NarcissistsMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Me too! I always thought I had really sharp knives – I was wrong. Now, I can chop an onion like a boss. So far, I still have all my fingers.

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