Do y’all remember when I bought this?
I decided that I wanted to start a bizarre wine bottle collection and my husband brushed it off like I would forget about it. Well, not so fast hubby, look what I won on eBay last night.
WooHoo! I’m on my way to a full-on collection, y’all. Here’s how ‘won on eBay’ played out…
I learned that fishtastic existed after Suzanne Lucas from Times Squared mentioned it in a comment. Color me interested so the search began. I found one on eBay, put in a perfectly reasonable $20 maximum bid then went on with my day. It was $9.99 and there was only one other bidder and just three hours left so how crazy could it get?
There was no way it would go above $20. That would be ridiculous.
With 30 minutes to go, the other bidder moved in for the steal. What, bitch? I upped my max bid to $43.51. Sneaky, right? Yes and way too much to spend on a fish wine bottle but my cat wine was already excited about having a new friend and I couldn’t let her down.
The last 60 seconds were total mayhem. I was frantically typing in numbers with no regard to the value of the item and yelling. There was a lot of yelling.
My final bid was $56.51 but my opponent only had time (or more brain cells functioning) to go as high as $55.00 so WINNER = ME! Sort of. Seriously, I just paid $56 for an empty fish bottle.
I haven’t had a fierce battle on eBay since 2002 when I paid $127 for a pitcher that wouldn’t go for $5 at a garage sale. But I really liked it and some crazy asshole kept outbidding me and I wasn’t going to back down over a few dollars. That’s how they get you. “Oh, it’s just $10 more dollars.” Yeah, but when you do that 10 times, say goodbye to your phone bill funds. I was a single mom at the time and dating Volker, who lived in Germany so I needed A LOT of funds for my phone bill. I’m not above eating mac and cheese for a month, y’all and that month I ate it out of a very lovely pitcher. Then I stepped away from the eBay for a few years.
I might be a tad too competitive and shopping for used junk is my sport.
I swear, I’m typically a kind and thoughtful person, just don’t bid against me on eBay or try going for an item that I have my eye on at an antique store or thrift shop or garage sale or, for the love of all that is holy, an estate sale.
If you even look twice at an estate sale item that me or someone with me wants, I will cut you and make it look like an accident. Usually, I’m trying to outfox a sweet, innocent looking elderly person. Don’t be fooled. They’ve survived wars and the depression and farming. Any one of them could kick my ass in about ten seconds. But not on estate sale day…Don’t fuck with me, grandma.
I found a Bodum French press once for $2. I didn’t need another French press but it was $2. Two dollars! Those things are like $40 at Starbucks. I saved $38 just by buying it. See, totally worth it. That sly move almost paid for the fish bottle. Sweet.
I’m on the road to starring in an episode of Hoarders. Or possibly some prison time. I should find a new hobby.
But not before I’m done collecting bizarre wine bottles!
Tell me about a time when you lost you mind over something ridiculous. I can’t possibly be the only one. I’ve seen some of y’all on Black Friday during the years I worked in retail, so I know you’re out there.
American German – language lesson #64 The ABC’s of Swearing edition – We’re going through the alphabet learning German swear words, y’all.
Du bist ein Ochsenkopf. (due bist ine oxen-kopf) You are an ox head or an idiot head or ass head. Volker just chimed in to let me know that “Ochsenficker” or “Ox fucker” is more offensive. I don’t always have to be a total bitch, Volker. He’s so cute.