In my family, fine means not dead.

“Madison is fine.”   That’s how my sister opened her phone call to me on Sunday.  Madison is my niece.  Some black ice caused her car and a tree to have an unfortunate meeting.

“Fine” in my family means that no one is dead.  You could be missing an appendage or, like in Madison’s case, have a concussion and a jaw broken in two places but as long as you’re breathing, we open with an “it’s fine.”   Our brother died in a car accident in 1998, so we know about the “are you sitting down” phone calls and we’re careful when relaying scary news, especially when that news involves a mangled car.

We’re also a bunch of freaks.   As long as no one is dead, we’re quick to make light of an otherwise terrible situation.

No GIANT trees were injured during the writing of this post.  Seriously, the tree was all, "Was that a frisbee?"

No GIANT trees were injured during the writing of this post. Seriously, the tree was all, “Was that a frisbee?”

Madison’s  jaw has been reset and her mouth wired shut – for SIX WEEKS.  That’s a lot of smoothies.  Here’s how my family – who my husband refers to as “sick twists” – responded to the news:

Me:  I can’t even imagine…it’s gonna be so quiet at your house.

Sheli (her mom):  I know.  She’s already talking about how skinny she’ll be this summer.  It seems like a lot to go through to lose a few pounds.

Me:  Well, summer will be here before we know it.  It’s kind of a brilliant plan.  Especially the part where she was driving your car.  Her car is fine and not like the fine we use but actually fine.

Madison (grunting):  My yaw is roken. Not roken, ROKEN!  Jit!  (switches to writing) I’m gonna need the following, STAT:  leopard print PJs, a Victoria Secret hoodie, slippers, movies, one million dollars, and an endless supply of…wait, are cheeseburger smoothies any good?

She’s gonna totally milk this.  She has a similar level of patience as the rest of the family, so giving her a wipe board to write on could be dangerous.  She has really good aim and we’re not as quick as we used to be.

Sherli (another aunt):  She said she knew enough sign language to get through six weeks, but, really, she only knows one hand gesture.

I have a feeling that my sister will be seeing this gesture a lot over the next 42 days.

I have a feeling that my sister will be seeing this gesture a lot over the next 42 days.

Madison is known for her lightning fast wit and for being a total get-you-in-a-bar-fight-at-Walmart smart ass – combining the two usually has us laughing hysterically.  The girl should do stand-up, you know, six weeks from now.

Honestly, with all the horrific ice related accidents happening across the country (as well as the whole brother thing) we recognize that it could have been so much worse.  Now, we just need Maddie to heal up fast…and unload a Dodge.

Anyone interested in a used car?  It’s fine.

It can’t go straight but that’s highly overrated.

For Sale: 2005 Dodge Durango. Runs great. Starts right up.<br />Great for scenic drives in a cul-de-sac.<br />Perfect for doing doughnuts in a parking lot - doughnuts are a sure thing anywhere you drive.<br />You enter the car Dukes of Hazzard style - super cool, dude.

For Sale: 2005 Dodge Durango. Runs great. Starts right up.
Great for scenic drives in a cul-de-sac.
Perfect for doing doughnuts in a parking lot – doughnuts are a sure thing anywhere you drive.
You enter the car Dukes of Hazzard style – super cool, dude.

Hopefully, we’ll get at least one embarrassing morphine viral video that would translate well into a commercial.  My sister needs a new car.

 

American German – language lesson #108

Bullenscheiße! (bowl-len-shy-sa) Bullshit! – A perfect sentiment for the day’s events.  Practice this one.  It comes in handy and works better if you can say it with confidence.

Comments

  1. A broken jaw sounds much worse than a broken tailbone. I would use that as an excuse not to leave the house for six weeks.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…Fun Friday Facts #91: The Winter Olympics That Might Have BeenMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I don’t know, they both sound horrible to me. It’s early (surgery was last night) so her pain is awful, poor thing. Once that’s in check, the most frustrating thing for her will be not being able to yell at stupid people followed closely by not being able to eat solid food.

  2. I’m glad your niece is okay. I love this post, great ad about the Durango. I think I’ll pass though. A family that can laugh together after something scary like this is my favorite kind. Always find the good in the bad, even if it’s at the expense of your niece’s broken jaw. :)

    • julieyoujest says:

      We find humor in most everything. It keeps us sane – I just found humor in the fact that I just referred to my family as sane. That’s hilarious.

  3. So glad she is alright! Dear…. geeezzz…. Love all of your family sense of humor….. but I like happy endings too. Love you! Speedy recovery wished and long happy joyful lives!

  4. Totally free of being called on in class for six weeks? FINE.

    • julieyoujest says:

      Yep. She’s got that to look forward to. The perks of this are adding up – we just have to get her past the after surgery yuck.

  5. daughter of Julie You Jest... says:

    perfect. title. Seriously. “I’m fine. A vast amount of blood is coming out of my body, but I’m fine.” Said by me when I had E. coli.

    Also, got to love Madison! She’s hysterical! (Readers: imagine the funniest person you’ve ever met…ever. Madison is at least 100x funnier than that.) She may not actually be fine now, but she’ll heal up fast. She’s the strongest/toughest person in this family (men included)!

  6. Interesting use of fine. It’s used that way in New Zealand as well. Pretty much everything is fine. Even the weather forecast will simply say a fine day. Personally, Madison doesn’t sound fine to me. I wish her a speedy recovery.
    Rhonda Albom recently posted…Dana Johannsen Should Apologize to the People of New ZealandMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Thank you, Rhonda! When I hear “fine”, I immediately brace myself for bad news. Thankfully, Madison is healing up fast and hopefully the worst of it is behind her. Just for my mental well being, I tried insisting that no one I know drives until they’re 40 – I was vetoed.

  7. Heilige Scheisse! I am glad she is fine….does this now count as plastic surgery? OK it is time to admit that I would fit into your family just fine..ehehehe. That is how I opened the phone call to my parents telling them that I have UC…I am fine…I will be skinny…and on a long time quest of finding the most softest toilet paper in the world!

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