It’s an almost-Christmas miracle. Miracle is too strong…surprise, maybe or just post. It’s an almost-Christmas post.

It’s been over two months – I know, I’ll explain* later – but today, it’s Christmas (sort of – at least it’s still December).  Happy Holidays!  We’re back in Austria to celebrate the season.  I love this place.

It's my favorite place in the world…so far, I haven't been everywhere yet.

It’s my favorite place in the world…so far, I haven’t been everywhere yet.

We got here in time to celebrate Christmas Eve.  The guests of the hotel gather around and watch the owners light the Christmas tree…with FIRE!

I'm all, "Have any of y'all heard the saying, "went up like a Christmas tree?  No?  Really?  Come on, no one?"  Fortunately, this was not the year that the saying spread like wild fire across the Alps.

I’m all, “Have any of y’all heard the saying, “went up like a Christmas tree?  No? Really? Come on, no one?” Fortunately, this was not the year that the saying spread like wild fire across the Alps.

Then we all raise a glass for a Christmas Eve toast.

Waiter, there's a stripper in my glass!

Waiter, there’s a stripper in my glass!

No one seemed to notice the naked strippers but me.  Moms, dads, grandparents, children… not a single raised eyebrow – well, mine, but I’m an uptight American.  I couldn’t get past the idea that someone went to a store and picked these as just the perfect addition to a family holiday gathering.  I’m picturing the guy picking up other options and tossing them over his shoulder…polar bear – nope, Santa – gross, Menorah – that wouldn’t make any sense, Jesus in a manger – maybe…naaah, stripper – perfect.   What were the owners thinking when the guy who was in charge of swizzles showed up with these just minutes before the party?

This is how I imagine that conversation went:

European version – 

“The store was out of the usual swizzle sticks, so I grabbed these instead.”

“That’ll work, thanks!  We couldn’t possibly go without some form of swizzle stick – that would be inappropriate.”

If it had happened in the US – 

“The store was out of the usual swizzle sticks, so I grabbed these instead.”

“Are you effing serious?  What is wrong with you?  We can’t have people looking at naked plastic women on Christmas Eve!  Oh my god, to stir your drink, you are forced to touch this woman’s boob.  Jesus is sad.  Christmas is cancelled.”

Or

“What’s a swizzle stick?  You were supposed to pick up candy cane jello shots.”

What would be your perfect holiday swizzle?

*Explanation for extended hiatus:  I was sick.  I had a case of super-flu-lupus-flare-wicked-daily-migraine-nightmare illness.  It’s not contagious. I was better for a few days and then was super sick late Christmas day.  I’m feeling okay right now, as long as I don’t try to stand up.  WooHoo, progress!

 

American German – language lesson #99 (I’m just making up numbers at this point… and singing a Toto song)

Frohe Weihnachten! (fo-rrruh-ah vie-knock-ten) – Merry Christmas!  Try not to choke on that.  I’ll have to post later how to say Happy Holidays – my resident German consultant  is off skiing.

 

 

Comments

  1. My favorite swizzle stick is my finger.

    Merry Christmas! Glad you’re back and feeling somewhat better.
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…Christmas Trees – For Christians Only!My Profile

  2. Christmas in Austria? Did you see Krampus??
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 recently posted…What Am I Supposed to Do With All These Christmas Cards?My Profile

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