I stared at the stupid cursor blinking at me for a very long time wondering how to approach a Mother’s Day post without turning it into a giant bummer. Not possible. So I skipped posting on Mother’s Day. For me, the holiday is bittersweet. On one hand, I’m a mom and it’s my very own day and I get presents – I’m a big fan of presents. But then there’s the other hand and it’s a giant fistful of suck. Now, I can’t get my brain to think of anything else so I’m getting my not Mother’s Day post out of my system.
My mom died in 2006 after a fierce battle with cancer. Cancer is an asshole.
Even though it’s been almost seven years, there are days when it feels like it all happened yesterday. I still have days where, for a moment, I forget and go to call her. It’s a crazy spin of the wheel and I’m never quite sure where I’ll land on any given day.
It’s not just about needing my mom when something bad or scary is happening. It’s about not being able to share excitement and success with her. They lose a bit of their luster when you can’t share them.
So, I just pretend she’s here. I chat with my mom about baking. I ask her for help when I’m trying to sew something. A few months ago, I argued with her about the easiest way to put in a zipper. She suggested I look it up on YouTube. That was very good advice. Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m Norman Bates’ing anyone. Just coping. I need to share with her like she’s here so I can find the same value in achieving things.
I think it’s genius.
Yesterday, Rachel brought me breakfast in bed. At some point, we started looking through a box of pictures. Three hours later, my bed was covered with photos.
Flaunting her stuff
Here’s one of mom pregnant with me
When Rachel saw this next picture, she thought it was of her cousin Jake
And me a few months along with Rachel.
I was in charge of wardrobe. Sorry, kid.
This photo was hidden in an envelope of pictures that I had never seen. I almost peed myself.
Mom’s birthday was May 6 (Right!? May hates me). She would have over indulged in pink wine with ice cubes and sang Aretha Franklin at the top of her lungs. So I had a glass of pink in her honor. That crap is disgusting.
American German – language lesson #61
Krebs saugt Arsch (krabes zowgt arsh) – Cancer sucks ass. Volker says that this doesn’t make sense in German. It doesn’t make sense in English either but it still sucks ass.
Bonus round (actually, just catching up)
Jauchetrinker (yow-ha-trin-ker) – manure drinker. J was hard, y’all.
Kackwurst (cock-vurst) – Shit stick. This might be my new favorite.