My not Mother’s Day post.

I stared at the stupid cursor blinking at me for a very long time wondering how to approach a Mother’s Day post without turning it into a giant bummer.  Not possible.  So I skipped posting on Mother’s Day.  For me, the holiday is bittersweet.  On one hand, I’m a mom and it’s my very own day and I get presents – I’m a big fan of presents.  But then there’s the other hand and it’s a giant fistful of suck.  Now, I can’t get my brain to think of anything else so I’m getting my not Mother’s Day post out of my system.

Mom

Mom with grand-daughters, Brittani and Madison

My mom died in 2006 after a fierce battle with cancer.  Cancer is an asshole.

Even though it’s been almost seven years, there are days when it feels like it all happened yesterday.  I still have days where, for a moment, I forget and go to call her.  It’s a crazy spin of the wheel and I’m never quite sure where I’ll land on any given day.

It’s not just about needing my mom when something bad or scary is happening.  It’s about not being able to share excitement and success with her.  They lose a bit of their luster when you can’t share them.

So, I just pretend she’s here.  I chat with my mom about baking.  I ask her for help when I’m trying to sew something.  A few months ago, I argued with her about the easiest way to put in a zipper.  She suggested I look it up on YouTube.  That was very good advice.  Don’t worry,  it’s not like I’m Norman Bates’ing anyone.  Just coping.  I need to share with her like she’s here so I can find the same value in achieving things.

I think it’s genius.

Yesterday, Rachel brought me breakfast in bed.  At some point, we started looking through a box of pictures.  Three hours later, my bed was covered with photos.

Mom

Dancing to Elvis

Dancing to Elvis

 

Flaunting her stuff

Yeah, she was smokin' hot.

Yeah, she was smokin’ hot.

 

Here’s one of mom pregnant with me

The fun will arrive in 7 months.  Paula is smiling and blissfully unaware that I'm about to rock her world.   In later pictures, it might look like she's smiling but it's really just the face she makes when she's plotting her revenge.

The fun will arrive in 7 months.  Paula is smiling and blissfully unaware that I’m about to rock her world.   In later pictures, it might look like she’s smiling but it’s really just the face she makes when she’s plotting her revenge.

 

When Rachel saw this next picture, she thought it was of her cousin Jake

Rachel:  Why is Jake in a dress? Me:  That's me. Rachel:  Oh, I'm sorry. See wasn't sorry.  She was laughing hysterically.

Rachel: Why is Jake in a dress?
Me: That’s me.
Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry.
See wasn’t sorry. She was laughing hysterically.

 

And me a few months along with Rachel.

Me barefoot, pregnant and celebrating something or just wearing a pointy hat.

Me barefoot, pregnant and celebrating something or just wearing a pointy hat.

 

I was in charge of wardrobe.  Sorry, kid.

Why yes, there were shoulder pads in this dress. All the cool babies were wearing them. That bunny creeps me out.

Why yes, there were shoulder pads in this dress.  All the cool babies were wearing them.
That bunny creeps me out.

 

Note:  You should wear water-proof mascara when looking through old pictures.  The fashion choices alone will make you weep from laughter.

Note:  You should wear water-proof mascara when looking through old pictures.  The fashion choices alone will make you weep from laughter.

 

This photo was hidden in an envelope of pictures that I had never seen.  I almost peed myself.

What the hell? I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey.  Spider monkeys don't have extra arms though.  The name is a bit misleading.

What the hell?
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey.”  Spider monkeys don’t have extra arms though.  The name is a bit misleading.

 

Mom’s birthday was May 6 (Right!?  May hates me).  She would have over indulged in pink wine with ice cubes and sang Aretha Franklin at the top of her lungs.  So I had a glass of pink in her honor.   That crap is disgusting.

All the grand-daughters.

All the grand-daughters.

 

American German – language lesson #61

Krebs saugt Arsch (krabes zowgt arsh) – Cancer sucks ass.  Volker says that this doesn’t make sense in German.  It doesn’t make sense in English either but it still sucks ass.

Bonus round (actually, just catching up)

Jauchetrinker (yow-ha-trin-ker) – manure drinker.  J was hard, y’all.

Kackwurst (cock-vurst) – Shit stick.  This might be my new favorite.

 

Comments

  1. Kackwurst! That is almost all I want to comment on this post because it is so epic!

    I cannot imagine what I would do without my mother so my heart goes out to you. I’d venture to say she’s listening to you when you talk to her even if she doesn’t talk back.
    Brandy recently posted…Sunshine AwardMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I love that word!

      Oh she talks back or it’s just me arguing with myself – which one makes me sound less stable? It’s not that one.

  2. I’m sorry for your loss. *hugs*
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…There Are Some Things I Think You Should KnowMy Profile

  3. Wow! Your mum was a sex bomb!
    I was thinking of the Goddess Shiva, when I looked at that photo with the arms. Ninja Shiva!

    This was for me, a lovely tribute to your mother and I believe wholeheartedly, that she is still with you and sharing in all the things that you want to share with her. 🙂
    Lily recently posted…Lily Does Dating…And Gets Violent.My Profile

  4. I’m very sorry that your Mom is not with you, but I laughed so hard at your Norman Bates comment. I really did. I heart crazy people.
    The Insomniac’s Dream recently posted…Panic! (And Not At the Disco)My Profile

  5. I’m new here, I followed you home from a comment you left at The Bloggess, hope that’s okay. My mom died of cancer in 2006 too, but I lack your restraint so I did write a crabby blog post on Mother’s Day. I’m going to use your idea of talking to mom like she’s right there – we have/had the same voice, so it’ll be really convincing. Thanks!
    alala recently posted…All the GoodbyesMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Hi! It’s more than ok, it’s awesome. I’m glad you found me.

      UGH! Cancer pisses me off. I’m so sorry about your mom. I have days where I talk to my mom constantly. My husband used to ask who I was talking to, now he just knows and will occasionally throw in a “Hi, mom.” and walk out. I’m lucky that he totally gets my kind of crazy. Try it out. I hope it helps.

      I’m heading over to your blog to read your post now.

  6. Krebs saugt Arsch is right. I lost my mom to breast cancer three years ago, so I did the same thing you did: I avoided posting on Mother’s Day.

    Love your tribute and photos, and the fact that you still talk to her. I’m sure she’s right there beside you, listening and watching over you every day.
    Suzanne Lucas recently posted…I’d Like to Thank the Academy… and BrandyMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I’m so sorry Suzanne. Ugh. My heart goes out to you.

      Thanks. It took a long time before I could look through pictures, even longer before I could laugh while looking at pictures. From that perspective, Mother’s Day was good this year. Rachel and I laughed so hard my abs still hurt.

  7. A lovely read indeed, Julie!
    Tommia recently posted…Wednesday Words – Garden VarietyMy Profile

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