Everyone at HGTV is a big liar! I’m talking to you, Lara Spencer and all you other home makeover’ers.

The next time I say something about a cortisone shot making me all super-powered, I need for someone to drive to Arkansas and slap the shit out of me.   Who’s gonna take point on that? For some inexplicable reason, I decided that it was time to redecorate Rachel’s room.  Probably because I’m jacked up […]

And then my toenail tried to kill me

Last week I visited my childhood friend, Samantha, in DC.   She’s having a baby!   We were driving to dinner, just catching up, when she tells this story: Sam:   I was watching The Doctors and this guy thought he had stubbed his toe because he had this black mark on it.   Turns […]

A cat post. Sort of.

I found this in a seemingly normal wine shop. Me:  Explain yourself. Volker:   What the hell is that? Me:  Hello.  It comes from your people.  You should know. Volker:  Honey Boo Boo comes from your people so you go first. Me:  Well played. Volker:  Are you going to drink it? Me:  I don’t drink cat.  […]

F*Bomb Alert! Several F*Bombs, actually. It’s the name of a town, people!

I’m placing this picture here so the next picture doesn’t show up on your social media site, unless you want it to – then, well…sorry? Real post starts now. Not often do I plead with my husband to take me on a road trip when we’re in Kirchberg, but when I saw that this town […]

Back in the US(S)A and duck farts

I’m back home from our trip to Austria.  I’d be totally depressed if I weren’t sick as a dog.  Although my dogs are healthy as a horse so I’m not sure about that phrase.  My husband gave me a wicked virus as an Austria parting gift. Conversation with my doctor, who’s been my doctor for […]

Customs doesn’t need to know

I bought this for my dad at the Munich airport. Me:  Look what I found for my dad, dick nougat! Volker:  What!?  That’s wrong on so many levels. Me:  It says Wiener Nougat but dick is another name for wiener so it’s the same thing. Volker:  I don’t think your dad’s going to eat that. […]