Well, this weekend took a horrible turn. I’m at the hospital with my daughter, Rachel. She was having some lower abdominal issues Saturday, and after hours of wicked pain and misery, we went to the emergency room. She has some kind of infection (doctor’s best guess) in her colon and suffice it to say, it’s some nasty-ass shit. Pun intended.
She had to be hospitalized.
If Rachel says that she doesn’t feel well, it’s never just a cold.
When she was 15, she had a bout of what I thought was mayonnaise food poisoning. Web MD was wrong, y’all. Turns out, her appendix had perforated and then pretty much exploded. The infection was so severe; they had to remove several internal parts to clean them. Thankfully, they put them all back. She got a 10″ vertical scar running up her abdomen as a parting gift. She thinks it’s totally cool. That’s the kind of awesome she is.
From 15 to 17, when she said, “My throat might be a little sore.” That meant strep throat. Without fail. She had strep no less than 10 times. Once, the joints in her fingers were so inflamed that the doctor thought she had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Nope. It was strep. She had neglected to mention the sore throat that she’d had a few weeks earlier. A couple rounds of antibiotics and she was as good as new.
There was more…knee surgery, problematic ovarian cysts, pissed off fallopian tubes, migraines – the kid has had her share of health crap but she always comes out of it not much worse for wear. Considering the horrific stories we’ve heard from other parents regarding the health of their child, we’ve always counted ourselves among the fortunate.
But not right now. My kid is very sick.
Friday, she was fine. During the day Saturday, she had what we thought were some mean-ass menstrual cramps. By Saturday night, she was writhing in pain and we were in the emergency room.
It’s like her colon is trying to forcibly remove itself from her body. The pain is intense and constant. There is a lot of blood loss. She is pale, weak, and exhausted. Have you ever heard your child cry out in pain for days and all you could do was sit there powerless? At one point Rachel looked up at me and said, “Mom, I think I’m dying.” She wasn’t being dramatic or facetious. She honestly thought her body was shutting down. I replied, “No, sweetie, you’re not dying.” Rachel said, “No really mom, I think this is what dying feels like.” What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Have a full on mental break down, hide in the corner and bawl hysterically. Sounds about right. Comfort her and let her know everything will be fine. Another great idea. Instead, I said to my daughter, “If you die, I swear I will kick your ass.” She laughed for a second, more of a half-grin really, but I’ll take it.
In the hospital room, I hold myself together. I advocate, question doctors and take notes. I google things like C Diff, ulcerative colitis, sepsis, white blood cells, red blood cells. I make sure they keep the morphine coming. On the outside, I look like I’m calm but as I stand beside her bed, holding her hand, every cell on my inside is screaming. It feels like I’m about to jump out of my skin. I need to know what’s happening to my kid.
There’s a sitting room down the hall where I can go have mini-melt downs. Cry, breathe, pull yourself together…Rinse and repeat.
Today, she will go through more tests. Hopefully, we’ll have some idea of what is causing this soon. I’ll keep you posted.
American German – language lesson #57
Fick. (fick) Fuck. It might actually be ‘ficken’ but I like one syllable better so I don’t care what’s correct. Does grammar matter when you’re shouting an expletive? Also, ficken is too close to the English word fickle and who wants to go around screaming fickle? No one. Well…I changed my mind. Starting today, I’m going to go around screaming the word fickle at random people.