To all the crazy, twisted freaks…Welcome.

You know when you read about some awesome thing that happens to other people but couldn’t possibly happen to you.  You’re happy for them and all but secretly hope – Someday, maybe, I will be writing about how this happened to me.  Well, for me, that day is today, bitches!

My 1st Annual Recap of Twisted Shit Y’all Googled and Somehow Magically Ended Up Here

I’ve spent this first year giggling and wide-eyed over the bizarre and random internet searches that bring people here and while, for most of them, I can make some kind of connection to a post, some of them…WTF, Google?!  Here we go…

A few of you may not have found exactly what you were looking for (don’t blame me – I don’t know what Google was thinking).

  • you jest porn
  • lady Alex porn
  • Alex bologna porn
  • lady porn
  • Dog lady porn
  • www ladyporn com

There are a lot of people on the internet looking for porn, y’all.  Move along, there’s nothin’ to see here.

Then you got more specific:

  • Bomb alert while fucking
  • Drunk German fucks in bar
  • Wiener and the butts
  • Wiener and butts
  • Wiener in the butts
  • oh my god its my mom sucking me (ummm…I don’t…I can’t…the hell?)
  • Sexy “four-armed” goddess
  • whorehouse in kansas
  • horehouse in kansas
  • german naughty party
  • so much drunk girl walk
  • bayan ile itler pornosu (WTF?!)

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this site is fresh out of porn unless you have a thing for pant-less frogs.  But, according to my sources, the internet is chock-full of this stuff so don’t give up.

Will writing “porn” a hundred times in one blog post cause Google to send more porn seekers my way?  Crap.

You needed information about animals:

  • German turtle attack
  • Douche for dog
  • dog vagina
  • my dog fucking hates me
  • Fish breathing apparatus
  • Hundevagina (Seriously? I made that word up)
  • vicious duck
  • xis in fish
  • Hooked fish head drawing
Done.  You're welcome.

Done.  You’re welcome.


You needed answers to life’s important questions:

  • How much poop is on your hands?
  • Where are your kidneys?
  • Is Hugh Jackman Catholic?
  • Can my kidneys bleed (There were a lot of kidney bleeding questions)?
  • Does everybody love Lara Spencer?
  • Why is Lara Spencer such an ass?
  • What do Army worms turn into?
  • What did rip van winkle and sleeping beauty do a lot of?
  • Is something on its way to destroy earth?


A lot of you were VERY concerned about your toenail.  It might be some kind of epidemic.  There were over 100 variations of toenail cancer, toenail cancer pictures, and cancer in or around or under the toenail on the list…I hope y’all got that checked out.

This toenail is cancer free.

This toenail is cancer free.


Bonus round:

  • device torture hospital
  • ulcer boil dream
  • people spontaneous combustion
  • gangrene pictures arm
  • crazy freak
  • horder marjorie moffat
  • hair rollers including my son
  • bloggess fart

Ok, which ones were yours?

To all of you who stumbled in here looking for something else, stuck around and came back for more – Thank you and I hope that kidney thing clears up.

American German – language lesson #100

Ist das ein gesunder Fussnagel?  (ist das ine ga-zoon-dare foo-ss-naw-gull)  Is this a healthy toenail?  – I thought this might be particularly helpful for this crowd.  Also, Fussnagel is now one of my new favorite words.



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