X is for X Chromosome – Having two will keep you from turning into a fish monster.

My husband just walked in with a tiny splinter in his pinkie finger

Me:  Want me to get some tweezers?

Volker:  No, I’ve got it.

Then, he GRABS A GIANT HUNTING KNIFE.

Me:  What the fuck are you going to do with that?

Volker:  I need to open the skin.

Me:  Of a bear?  You’re going to cut your finger off.  AGAIN!  God!  BOYS ARE SO STUPID!  Just tell me when to call 911 and don’t get blood on the rug.

After he successfully cuts the splinter out, he gets all cocky.

Volker:  See?  No problem.  I was going to ask you to throw the knife down to me from the window.  I knew you would probably flip out so I just came up here.  Am I smart or what!?

Me:  I’m going with ‘what’.   Also, you just jammed some weird fish DNA into the cells of your body.  When you start growing scaly fish hands, you’re gonna to wish you had listened to me.

And the metamorphosis begins.  He could end up looking like the Vampire Queen from Doctor Who.

Those spiky things are going to bug the shit out of me - probably poke my eye out.

Those spiky things are going to bug the shit out of me – probably poke my eye out.

 

Or these guys

This book could be about improper sterilization of surgical instruments - not sure, I haven't read it.

This book could be about improper sterilization of surgical instruments – not sure, I haven’t read it.

 

Hell hath no fury  (That’s a pun.  This picture below is a Hath.  God, I’m hilarious…or tired.)

Is his breathing apparatus gonna keep me awake?

Is that breathing apparatus gonna keep me awake?

 

This better not be contagious.  I’m going to go and practice holding my breath.  I might need advice on how to become a mermaid later.  I’ll let you know.

 

American German – language lesson #52

Nur tote Fische schwimmen mit dem Strom.  (nur tote-a fish-a shvim-men mit dem strome) Only dead fish swim downstream.  It’s a German proverb.  I have no idea what it’s trying to tell me but it sounds important.  I’m going to send it to my husband just in case.

 

 

Comments

  1. Oh my goodness – I was laughing so hard I almost poked my finger on an exposed x-acto knife! My brother did the same thing, aiming for something larger than what the job required. Love the proverb, too.
    Tommia recently posted…Saturday Snapshot – “X” editionMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I’m glad you didn’t cut your finger! My husband would be all, “See!? X-acto knives are more dangerous than machetes.” Because that’s how man-logic works.

  2. LOL That is too funny. Love the Doctor Who jokes too.
    Patricia Lynne recently posted…X is for XericMy Profile

  3. From the moment I clicked your post link I knew it would be something good ! LOL That Vampire Queen is scary !

    Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge 🙂
    Dazediva recently posted…T for TeaseMy Profile

  4. I LOVE THIS! ^__^ And the German quote is awesome! We’re a family of fishermen, and I know all about the taking a Bowie knife to a tweezer fight. ^_^
    Amy recently posted…X is for Xerxes ….My Profile

  5. What the hell is up with men and giant knives?? My ex husband had several and could never really explain why he needed them, because it not like we had a backyard full of wild boar or grouchy bears we needed to stab in self defense or for dinner.
    Maple Syrup Land recently posted…Waxing, Xmas, Yarn and Zucchini: The grand finaleMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      Right!? Not a single bear in a 500 mile radius of us. I’m guessing. I don’t know where bears live.

  6. What is it with men that whenever they use a knife, they have to grab the biggest knife available. My ex was always like that too. “What are you doing with the meat cleaver?” “Peeling an apple! What!”
    Marjorie McAtee recently posted…X is for XenophobiaMy Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      It’s the Y chromosome. Like, why the fuck do you do that? BTW, who’s the genius that decided how to spell chromosome? Probably the same guy that came up with colonel.

  7. LOL! Volker: I need to open the skin.
    Me: Of a bear?
    After the crap day I’ve had today, your posts have managed to make me laugh out loud, thus making me feel less crappy. So thanks for that.
    Love the Who references. 🙂
    Lily recently posted…A-Z Challenge – Y is for You gin soaked harpy! Wake up!My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I’m sorry you’ve had a crap day. Glad you could find some laughter in my crazy husband!

      Doctor Who rocks!

  8. Coincidentally, my father actually has a gill. It runs from behind his ear, down his neck and shoulder. It’s some sort of throwback. Apparently when his mother took him to the doctor he didn’t want to tell her what it was because they were catholic.
    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted…Y is for Youth: or, I reject your reality and replace it with my own…My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      I thought Catholic’s liked fish.

      And “coincidentally, my father has a gill” might be the best sentence I’ve ever read.

  9. I used that a lot…good old german proverbs. Loved your doctor who references, let us know how der Fischmann is turning out!
    Poke The Rock recently posted…Post I have!My Profile

  10. Wow! My son saved his money and got a sharp knife and it took him 10 seconds to slice his hand. Obviously your hubs has way better skills! Thanks for hooking up today – I had to check out your story…I have twin sisters too. They do get all the attention don’t they? Made it easier to fly under the radar though;)
    The Shitastrophy recently posted…Expecting Announcements, WTF?My Profile

    • julieyoujest says:

      10 whole seconds! My husband has seriously injured himself more than once. Men never learn.

      Twins do get all the attention! Probably because they’re twice the noise and not at all because they’re ridiculously cute.

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